In making this project, I was inspired by the study of hermeneutics in religious contexts, particularly in the Bible. Growing up in a Catholic family, my upbringing was consistently influenced by Catholicism and while going to church wasn’t a habit, I understood the Christian God to be the one to believe in. Ironically, it was attending a Catholic secondary school (an all-girls one no less) that forced me to question the ideologies that were being forced down my throat daily. I speculate that it must have started off as some form of teenage rebellion, but I quickly came to realize that the Catholic beliefs I was being taught were not in line with my values. The more my school tried to impose their beliefs and conventions on me, the more I grew resistant to their teachings. To them, the fact that I was baptized at a mere 2 years old, when even the most precocious are not sufficiently developed to be able to object to water being poured over their heads, and my bursts of protest were a nonissue. Six years of this was more than enough for me to graduate jaded to the concept of any form of religion.

    This collage is comprised of five elements: a houndstooth pattern, a rib knit pattern, the 17th-century painting Christ Crucified by Diego Velázquez, stars, and song lyrics. The first two are homages to my school uniform, the eyesore that was my white/forest green houndstooth blazer and mossy green high socks. Uniforms represent conformity, which I find is the general attitude of major religions to which Velázquez’s painting is a more obvious nod. The stars point to the hope that I have in overcoming what I have now identified to be religious trauma I had developed from my years in school, which is shown by the vertical black strip. However, the stars simultaneously represents a desire to restore my faith, not necessarily in Catholicism, but more in a strong belief system. Lastly, the lyrics, “Falling, falling / Got carried away / Living in my head, photo fantasy / Save it on my phone,” which are taken from Blood Orange’s “Jesus Freak Lighter” describe the escapism social media provided me with to process my complex beliefs. 

    The reason I mentioned hermeneutics at the beginning is because I think this collage does not give much information about my intentions for creating this, let alone my past. It is difficult to interpret, especially with the allusions to my Catholic school uniform. I find that I like creating pieces that are vague and have an “if you know, you know” wink to them. They are deeply personal because creating them is a means of catharsis for myself, but for that reason it may be hard for others to resonate with them. I was guided by the questions, “What are the implications for individuals who do not adhere to Christian beliefs?” and, “How can research methods such as autoethnography explore the experiences of religious trauma and challenge the Christian hegemony?”